Most of my friends are getting married and having kids and here I am in my twenties…still unmarried with no beau in sight and my ovaries nearing the date of expiration. Dramatic huh?
I used to feel really darn sad about it especially when all the Somali aunts would ask me when I’m getting married. Even felt so sorry for myself. I could just picture myself living alone with all my cats….just kidding! Okay, I lied I’m not really kidding. For a while I felt pretty depressed about the whole damn thing. Why couldn’t I find a decent, good looking man who was successful and could sweep me off my feet? What is wrong with me? What am I doing wrong? Why don’t I like any of the guys I talk to? Am I incapable of having feelings of attraction and love? It was pretty damn depressing and I was a pathetic mess shedding tears every time I ended things with someone. I took it so personally.
It was only in the recent year that I realized that there was absolutely nothing wrong with me and that I wasn’t devoid of any emotions. Last year I realized that none of the guys I had been talking to were my type nor were a good fit for me. They just weren’t right and it wasn’t my fault.
On top of that, when I finished my degree, I also realized that Allah was just trying to help me stay focused on my education. Every time I was involved in a fling with someone, my studies sort of tended to suffer. SO NOT OKAY. On top of that, I also think that I had a bit of growing up to do. When I think of who I am today and who I was when I was in my early twenties….I am much more mature and wiser now. More confident as well! I love who I am and I like how I look like unlike before. In the past, I was really self-conscious about my looks. I was always trying to look good so I can impress any potential cutie I may come across. It’s pretty sad and pathetic. Now, I don’t care what any man thinks about me. My physical features and my fashion style is who I am. They can accept and love me for me or keep it moving.
So now, it doesn’t bother me so much. I have an impressive educational background and I have a wonderful and fulfilling career unlike many of my “taken” friends. On top of that, I trust God. I know that I’ll meet whoever He intended for me soon and I’ll know it when I meet him.